There Are Worse Remedies
by ClaireDeLunar
Summary: Underwater I could feel the vibrations from the last chime. I heaved my saturated body off the bed of the pool, panicking as I glared toward the clock tower. Through bloodshot eyes he was gone.
1. Italy

**Chapter 1.**

**Italy.**

"Edward, look at me!" I froze, it was no use; my screams were drowned out by the crowd, the chime from the clock tower was deafening, there was no hope.

I stared with futile eyes at my only love as he took another step towards his suicide. Legs, I needed to move my legs. My attempt was lost as my knees flung into the rough brick of a fountain centre of the plaza, dividing myself from my immortal. I gasped, pain instantly shot through my right shin, tears threatened to escape my eyes as I glanced once again at Edward, he was already in the light.

"No!" I screeched, as the sun illuminated his face.

I would not let the pain in my leg hold me back; the physical ache could not dominate my throbbing heart. I launched myself over the boundary only to tumble face first into knee-deep water, my leg had betrayed me, of course – pathetic human. Underwater I could feel the vibrations from the last chime. I heaved my saturated body off the bed of the pool, panicking as I glared toward the clock tower. Through bloodshot eyes he was gone.

"No, no, no. Please!" I howled, furiously rubbing my grazed hands across my clouded vision, praying it was just an illusion.

I was wrong I was too late.

Time, time had hindered, ironically time was what I had needed only seconds ago, I had plead for time to pause, for me to reach Edward, but in reality the minutes I had were only seconds and now they had turned into hours. I blinked at the empty space where my angel once stood, my body shaking uncontrollably, frozen in the water. _Hindered_.

I was vaguely aware of Alices cold hands on my face; my ears were ringing.

"Bella, Bella, we have to get out of here. Now! Bella!"

Nothing I was hollow. I felt my weight being pulled from the water.

"Bella," Alice begged. "I need you to try and walk, it will draw too much attention if I carry you. Bella?"

I lifted my head and drowned in her golden eyes, in my head they were _his._

"I'm s...sorry," I stuttered. "I couldn't save you, I c...couldn't..."

"Bella, its me Alice, ok? We We need to leave, if the Volturi find us here they will kill us _as well."_

I winced at the last part. I had killed him, Edward was never coming back, and it was my fault.

"Come on Bella, let me just get you out of here. We can, we can get a hotel for tonight and..." Alice was suffering, I was pretty sure if that vampires could cry she wouldnt even be able to form words right now, "...and stay for the night, until youre stable."

I was thankful the festival was still going, the ringing in my ears had faded and I was now aware of my surroundings. No one was looking at us, no one even knew what had just happened, no one cared that half of my existence has been taken from me, broken, crushed and burned.

_Broken, crushed and burned._


	2. I Won't Cry

**Chapter two.**

**I Won't Cry.**

_It will be as if Id never existed._

I jolted awake, _his_ words replaying in my head. Where was I? I sat up, a bed beneath me, the covers a horrid mustard yellow colour, stained in various places. I shuddered. My blurry eyes scanned the unfamiliar room, panicking. My heart rate slowed instantly as I saw _his _sister perched on an uncomfortable looking sofa bed, a cell phone clutched in her right palm.

"I called the others, they know," Alice began. "We have a flight back home in a few hours."

My mind tried to process everything; I was hoping it was all a terrible nightmare.

"Are you ok?"

I nodded, unsure. I couldnt look her in the eyes. "Alice, how did we get here? Where are we?"

"You passed out at the fountain, I carried you here, were in a motel just west of the clo...clock tower," she coughed.

I nodded again.

"Bella, you tried your best. Please dont blame yourself for any of this. He was foolish to come to Italy. Selfish. With the time we had to get here, the chances were very slim, and _I_ was selfish to put you in this kind of danger."

I was shocked by her words, _selfish? "_Alice you could never be selfish, you wouldn't have been able to stop me from coming with you. I needed to try."

Silence. Nothing else could have been said. We were both grieving.

"Come on, we need to get home." She announced, startling me a little.

Suddenly she was at my side helping me off the bed. I had no faith in my trembling legs so I gratefully took her hand. My whole body felt stiff, when my feet hit the ground a familiar throb spread through my shin, reminding me of my failure. I tried not to show any discomfort in front of Alice, the twinge in my leg was nothing compared to the kindling hole in my chest.

The journey to the airport was hazy but I was grateful, I couldnt face reality today. I clutched onto the orange velvet attached to the departure lounge chair and glanced to my right, Alice was standing by the window on the phone to Jasper. She probably hated me; they definitely weren't going to come back to Forks now. I thought of Esme, tears prickling to the surface.

_I wont cry, I wont cry. _I kept telling myself.

What have I done to this family? For the sake of the Cullens I wish I had never moved to Forks, I wish I had gone to Jacksonville with my mother and Phil. I wonder what my life would be like without Edward, well now I get to live it, except Jacksonville Bella wouldn't have had to suffer.


	3. Unsure

**Chapter Three.**

**Unsure.**

I'm sitting in the front seat of Carlisle's Mercedes; I could practically feel the black circles forming under my eyes. I couldnt sleep on the plane, I was restless, Alice was silent the whole time, and this made me frustrated. I wished she would just shout at me. Maybe even slap me.

Slowly the car came to a standstill outside Charlie's house.

"What do I tell my dad?" I asked Alice, hoping she had already thought of a cover story.

"Bella, we are going to move back here, back to Forks."

I didnt know how to react, the Cullens back here with no Edward. Would they still want to see me? I wouldnt be able to handle the pain of Alice and Jasper ignoring me at school. My heart began to flutter, school.

"Bella, calm down your heart is going crazy!" I relaxed. "Bella, we will return to the old house, and everyone is going to try to get on with their lifes, as if we never left. I will not let this family fall apart even if one of the jigsaw pieces is missing." She sighed. "We are not going to abandon you again Bella, not ever. Everyone is on their way back as I speak, and tonight I will stay with you, ok? You'll need me."

I trusted Alice; of course she could _see _me breaking down tonight. I did need her.

"Don't worry about Charlie, I called him from the airport. Told him we got an hysterical phone call from Esme, I said she found Edward dea..." I winced. "...and you needed to go to Alaska to see them."

At this point the tears were building up, my bottom lip trembling, my knee bouncing up and down.

Alice placed her hand on my uncontrollable leg. "Its going to be ok Bella."

A loud tapping from the passenger window drew me out of my thoughts. It was Charlie, his face full of concern. Slowly I reached for the door handle, but he beat me too it and the door was opened instantly.

"Bella!" He cried.

I unbuckled my seat belt surprisingly fast as he scooped me into his arms. I stood there for what seemed like forever, crying into my fathers chest.

"Bells, Im so sorry hunny, Im so, so sorry. Alice told me everything. You'll be fine, everything will be fine." He cooed into my ear, stroking my hair and rubbing my back.

All I could do was cry, I cried for Edward, I cried for his family, I cried for myself and I cried for Charlie. I knew it must hurt him to see me this way again.

We were broke off by a short cough from Alice.

"Oh Alice, Im sorry, I...I dont know what to say, thank you for taking care of Bella these last few days."

"Don't worry about it Charlie," Alice replied softly. "You should get her inside."

I only just realised how much I was shaking from the cold, right now I needed my bed!

"Ill come see you tomorrow Bella, ok? Stay strong." She pulled me out of Charlies warm embrace to envelope me into her cold but comforting arms. "I'll be upstairs," she whispered into my ear.


	4. Collapse

**Chapter Four.**

**Collapse. **

Charlie helped me up the stairs, I told him I needed to use the bathroom first, so that he didn't find Alice in the bedroom. I mentally slapped myself remembering she could easily hide, but I didnt want to take any risks.

After locking the bathroom door quickly, I made my way to the sink and stared at myself in the foggy mirror. I stared at myself until my face didnt make sense, who was I? This nose... it doesnt feel connected to me, have I always had freckles? Two bloodshot orbs glaring back at me in _my_ reflection. I didnt recognise myself at all. I bit my lip remembering _his_ kisses... without warning a sharp nauseating pain hit my stomach and I abruptly fell to the floor heaving, nothing came out though, of course it wouldn't, I couldn't remember the last time I ate.

I lay there for a good 5 minutes before I gathered my senses and gradually pulled myself off the floor. I knew Alice would be waiting for me, worried. I found one of Charlies t-shirts on the floor, I decided this would be comfortable enough and I didnt have the strength to venture around for proper pyjamas.

I stripped off my clothes. I would burn them, how could I ever wear them again? I glanced down at the bruises covering my right leg, its a shame I can't burn away my body as easily. I slipped on Charlies extra large t-shirt, which seemed to drown me, and headed to my bedroom.

As promised there was Alice, waiting for me on my bed. I couldn't help but smile a little; at least I wouldn't be alone tonight.

"Are you feeling any better?" She asked me.

"I don't know Alice, I dont feel anything." It was true.

"Come on, lets get you to bed." She pulled me onto the bed and tucked me in. "I will be sitting over there," she pointed to my rocking chair, "all night, so you don't need to worry."

I gave her a warm smile and settled into the comfort and protection of my duvet. I could barely hear Alice; she was so quiet it made me feel like I was alone. _Alone, no Edward, not ever again_. Tears were streaming down my cheeks, I tried to stay silent, but I couldn't control the sobs retching through my broken chest.

I felt a pair of cold arms wrap around my waist, Alice, always my saviour.


	5. Alice's Offer

**A/N. Sorry to any readers who were following the story. I'm going to get back on track with the writing now.**

**Chapter 5.**

Alice's Offer.

**"**Bella, when was the last time you slept?" Alice asked me, examining the shades of grey underneath my orbs.

It had been 4 weeks since our return from Italy. Alice stayed with me the first night, but I knew she had to be reunited with her grieving family, so I requested she be with Jasper in the evenings.

Today she had insisted I was to leave the house, and since I still refuse to enter the Cullens house and Alice being Alice, I have been dragged to Port Angeles shopping mall.

"I could ask you the same question", I smirked. She didn't look impressed.

"Bella I'm serious, you wouldn't sleep the first night home, and God knows the other 27 nights."

I sighed. "Alice, sleep is just difficult at the moment. I'm not an easy sleeper anyway, so recent events haven't helped."

"Well how about we swing by mine on the way back to Charlies, and ask Carlisle to prescribe you something for it..."

I could feel my face scrunch up, Alice wasn't concerned about my sleeping pattern, she just wanted me to visit her family.

"Alice..."

"Bella PLEASE! You need to do this, I know they will feel so much better when they see you."

She pulled me into a cafe. "Come on, have some coffee to hype up then well be on our way."

Oh, Alice. I couldn't blame her for trying, I haven't exactly been the most sociable person these past 4 weeks, and to be honest it has been one big blur. I did feel like the walking dead, maybe it was a good idea to go on medication, though I didnt deserve it, and I certainly didn't deserve the Cullens support.

I could hear Alice faintly talking to me about why this was a good idea, but I was now in my happy zone, thats what my mum liked to call it anyway. I had been speaking to my mother everyday on the phone. In her desperate attempt to help me she had gotten me to create a fantasy that I could slip into when the depression was at its worst.

As Alices voice drifted further and further away, my mind wandered to a meadow of buttercups and daffodils, a beautiful image but something was missing. Where was he? Usually when I had these happy zone moments Edward was right there completing the picture, but this time he wasn't there.

_This is silly. _I thought. It was _imagination_ land, surely I could make him appear if I wanted him to. Why wasn't he sitting in his perfect position within the flowers?

"Bellaaaa? Hello? Is anybody in there?" A waving hand shatterd my illusion, and I look up into Alices worried eyes.

My clammy fingers grasp the wooden table ledge tightly, I had promised myself I wouldn't cry anymore, I couldn't do it here. Not in front of Alice.

I blinked hard and shook my head, trying to clear the thoughts from inside.

"I'm sorry, Alice. My throat feels dry. Of course Ill come to your house."


	6. Returning

**Chapter 6.**

**Returning.**

I cautiously stepped out of Alices car; this was such a crazy idea how will they react? I'm definitely going to be eaten today.

Suddenly Alice's hand intertwined with mine. "Calm down wont you? It's really hard to control thirst around a pulsing heart."

Great, that didn't settle me at all. "Sorry Alice, I'm just a bit nervous. Its been so long."

"I know it has, but everything will be ok, I promise." I stared up towards the Cullen's glorious structure. I could see where Edward's room had been, tears started to prickle. _I can't do this._

Ragged gasps escaped my throat, my vision became blurred, and my stomach was doing somersaults.

Alice's voice broke through the barrier, "Woah, woah, Bella? Bella, can you hear me?"

I could feel the cold sensation of her hands against my cheeks, yet my vision was closing in.

"Stay with me now Bella." I felt my body being lowered to the ground; my back lent against the car. Alice pulled my head in-between my knees. "Breathe short breaths now." Her hand rubbed up and down my spine, it felt relaxing.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed but I was pretty sure I felt my heart rate slow, my palms became less sweaty and I was sure my vision was returning as the stripes on my sneakers appeared from the darkness.

I raised my head; Alices panic stricken face was glaring at me. My mouth attempted to form words, "Im sorry." I blinked and shook my head. "I..." As I focused properly, I saw five other familiar faces staring down at me. I could feel the colour drain from my face.

Carlisle was the first to speak, "Are you okay Bella? We can carry you inside?" His voice didn't sound as strong as I remembered, as I looked up at him his face looked weaker as well, yet him being here made my chest warm. Tears broke through and poured down my face.

Instantly my body was pulled into a cooling embrace, I sobbed as my once father figure stroked my hair and soothed my cries. "Everything will be okay, youll be okay." He whispered into my ear over and over.

It felt so strange sitting here on the ground in the arms of a Cullen, I knew I had to stand up and gather my emotions but shock had invaded my body. Suddenly everything was rushing back all at once, meeting Edward, being saved by Tylers truck, being attacked by James, the venom, Edward promising to stay with me forever, my birthday party, the woods, Italy...

Shudders travelled through my skin, I let him down, I'm weak and pathetic, and I could have saved this family if it wasn't for my human ways. _Why do they want to help me?_ Carlisle pulled away from me softly and stood back up.

"Bella honey? Come inside, you will get a chill. I have soup?" I jumped a little as Esme's pleas caught me off guard. She reached out for my hand and began to rub circles while pulling me up gently.

I looked over to Alice; she gave me a sympathetic smile and grabbed hold of my other hand. As the rest of the Cullen's made their way inside, Alice and Esme stood either side of me and urged me slowly to take a step. I felt like a baby learning to walk for the first time, one little step out of place could send me tumbling.

I glanced up again to Edward's room, my chest tightened a little, but I could control myself this time. "I know this is overwhelming for you sweetie, but if you don't do this now you never will." I turned my head back to Esme, she was right. I had to get this over with, I've put it off long enough already. Time to face reality.

I gave her a small nod and shakily swung one leg forward, and then the other. I could tell they were finding it difficult walking at human pace.

Before I knew it I had made it to the entrance, Esme stepped forward and held the door open for me. The other Cullen's were sitting inside glaring at me like I was a deer on ice.

Carlisle was the first to approach again. "I'm proud of you." He said with a smile. "Come and sit down now. We have some catching up to do." He led me over to the inviting couch as I wiped the tears from my eyes.

Emmett moved up slightly, welcoming me to sit next to him. I gave him a smile as Carlisle lowered me down. "Bella, Ive missed you. Come here." He pulled me in for one of his bear hugs. Next to him, Rosalie, rolled her eyes, her expression as hard as a china dolls. I instantly looked away, her presence made me shiver.

Emmett pulled away to take me all in. "You're too skinny, did you know that huh?"

Esme hurried back in to the room with a bowl in hand,_ I didn't even see her leave._ "Thats whhhy Im fully prepared." She handed me the soup. "Eat up Bella, it's carrot and leek."

I opened my mouth to thank her, but Emmett interrupted me. "Yeah right, that's not going to put any meat on her bones, Esme. Where's the real food at?"

"Trying to fatten me up for feeding Emmett?" I joked. At that Rosalie abruptly stood up and left the room. Great, the only little humour I had left quickly faded.

I looked down at the delicious soup. "Sorry."

* * *

After a lot of catching up, I was beginning to feel tired. It had taken a lot out of me. They asked about school and Charlie. They weren't happy about the cliff diving, I had to convince them over and over that it was for fun. I wouldn't dare mention my little hallucinations. I was thankful Alice hadn't told them about Jake; I really didn't want to hear how I shouldn't be hanging with a werewolf. Yet this wasn't the case anymore anyway, since Jacob hasn't been in contact since my return. I knew that he knew I was alive, as Charlie had called him. My heart dropped a little bit thinking about him.

Alice interrupted my thoughts. "You look tired, Ill drive you home."

At this I was grateful, although it had been amazing seeing the Cullen's again, but right now I really felt I needed to be alone.

I said my goodbyes to everybody, except Rosalie who didn't return during my visit, and headed outside.

"You know, you can't lie to them about visiting again. You have to promise me you will." Alice urged.

"Alice, surely you would be able to _see_ that I will visit again."

"Yeah, I know. But my visions of you lately are a little blurred. I can't see you properly, something is blocking... Or someone." She glared at me.

I instantly thought about Jacob, I couldn't see us hanging out again anytime soon though. He hates me.

We got into Alices car. "Thanks for not telling them about Jake. I don't think I could have dealt with that conversation today."

"Don't worry about it Bella, but you will have to tell them some time."

I glanced out the window at the trees whooshing past us. _I wish things were simple._

We pulled up outside my house. "Here." Alice handed me a little bottle with pills inside. "Carlisle didn't need to examine you to tell you needed these."

I gave her a hug and exited the car, I watched her drive away and looked down at the bottle in my hand. _Sleeping tablets._


	7. Silver Lining

**Chapter 7.**

**Silver Lining.**

The days were flying by... the sleeping tablets were really helping, and I kept my promise to Alice. I think things were beginning to get better with time.

I was yet to hear from Jacob, but maybe he needed time as well. Hopefully he would speak to me soon and we can get the friendship back on track.

Tonight Alice and her family are going hunting out of town, they will be gone a few days; the thought of being alone and unprotected made me a little uneasy, but Alice said she'd keep tight visions on me as long as I didn't go running over to the reservation.

I paced around my bedroom wracking my brain of activities to keep me occupied for the next few days, my pad and pen in hand ready to write down a list. This has been going on for hours.

"Arrgh! Fuck it!" I threw the pad and pen across the room; unfortunately it hit my lamp, causing it to topple over and smash into a million pieces on the floor. I winced, preparing for Charlies reaction.

Right on queue I heard loud footsteps striding up the stairs. I walked over to the broken lamp just as he opened my door.

"What happened? Are you okay?" He frowned as he looked over at me kneeled on the floor surrounded by shards of china.

"Yeah, Dad I'm fine. I just accidentally knocked my lamp over."

He walked over and bent down, examining the damage. "Just about gave me a heart attack kid... Here, let me clean that up."

"Thanks Dad." I stood up and carefully stepped away from the danger zone.

"So... Alice is going camping huh? Didn't fancy going with them?"

"I don't think I'd enjoy it... Plus, I don't want to be too much of a burden on them."

He glared up at me with a confused expression. "You could never be a burden, Bells, not to anyone."

I smiled down at him and lay down on the bed, watching him gather up the wreckage.

"Anyhow, since you have some free time tonight, you want to go out for something to eat with your ole Pa?" He didnt make eye contact. My father was always embarrassed about showing any sort of affection. Yet, I couldn't resist his charms.

"Sure, that sounds real good."

He looked surprised, bless him. "That's great Bells, I'll.. um I'll go get the dust pan and brush to clear all this away, and why don't you go freshen up or whatever you gals do..."

I chuckled, and sprang up from the bed. "I'll be ready in 15."

"So, kid. Things getting better for you now... I mean you seem happier?" Charlie asked while munching on his steak.

It was nice spending time with Charlie, our bonding time had definitely been postponed recently, but I wanted it to change for the sake of our relationship. He didn't deserve my pain.

"Yeah, I guess. It's really nice having Alice around, she really helps."

He agreed. My father always had a soft spot for Alice.

We were sitting in our regular restaurant in Forks, I knew he wouldn't splash out for a meal out, but it was nice to be somewhere familiar, and I only wanted his company anyway. The joint was practically empty, just the way I liked it.

"Im glad. If you're happy, then I'm happy." He smiled at me. _Well, that certainly makes me happy._

Dinner went by quickly, there wasn't too much conversation but it was nice to be in his company, and it was a huge distraction from thinking about being deserted this weekend. Charlie got up to payas I stayed put, pushing around the food on my plate, _damn, I shouldnt have thought about it again..._

"Eat ya vegetables Bella, you'll never get hairs on your chest otherwise!"

My thoughts were abruptly disturbed by the smell of a Newt. I glanced up, and as predicted, Mike Newton was beaming down at me, his shirt sleeves freshly rolled up - in some attempt to impress me – his hair reflecting light from the amount of salvia he must have just applied while walking over. _Great._

_I must be friendly__, I must be friendly._ "Hi Mike..." I forced a smile.

"Hey!" He sat down in Charlie's vacant seat as I rolled my eyes. "Good to see you out of the house... for once." _Okay, really?_ Is he still trying to impress me by emphasising a husky voice and acutely insulting me?

"Well, I came out with my dad." I gestured over to Charlie paying the waitress, tipping her with his terrible flirting skills more than actual money. Again, I rolled my eyes.

Mike glanced over, but wasn't fazed. "Since you're out already, you fancy hanging out tonight?" _Oh god..._ "Eric's having a party at his house, it's going to be insane." He leaned closer. "Bought fake I.D, here, look!" He got the card out of his shirt pocket and waved it in front of my face.

"You do know my dad is the Chief of police right? And he is standing but ten feet away?" He looked over to Charlie again.

"Oh yeah, gotcha." He slipped the I.D quickly back into his pocket, and turned to face me again. "Whatcha say?"

I groaned. Part of me surprisingly wanted to go, I knew Angela would be there so she could protect me from a drunken slobbery Mike. Also it would do me good to socialise for the night, and an even bigger distraction I suppose.

"Please Bella? It will do you good, a few shots of tequila... maybe some vodka jelly? With some great company." He leaned over again and winked at me. _Urgh._

"Newton." _Saved by the bell..._

Mike shot his head up at my father, I could tell his palms were getting sweaty and his slick hair flopped slightly out of place. "Chief Swan!" He stumbled out of his chair, knocking it over in the process, and reached out to shake Charlie's hand. "Evening sir."

Charlie glanced down at me suspiciously, but responded to Mikes awkwardness. "Evening." They shook hands. _This was all too formal for me_.

Mike retreated his hand before it could be crushed. "Ur..." He looked down at me for help in finding his words, I only shrugged my shoulders enjoying the show.

"Ur... um I'm... um I'm glad I bumped into you Chief Swan. I was just asking Bella if she would like to attend a par... a GATHERING, at our friend Eric's house tonight... it's um mixed sex... GENDER! There will be no sex!..." Awkward laughter. "Yes, mixed gender, NO alcohol, just a... um well, a gathering." He finished with a loud ragged breath. _Bravo Mike_.

Charlie kept his eyes on Mike for a moment – one eyebrow rose – and then gave me the same puzzling look. "Bells?"

I thought for a moment, why was I never spontaneous, yet this time the devil on my shoulder was edging me to go. _Fuck it._ "Yeah, dad I would like to go if thats okay by you?" My words had shocked myself, then I looked up to realise it had shocked these two men as well.

"Really? Well it's fine by me, just be careful and don't sleep at the boys house... will Angela be there?" I nodded. "Well, go back to hers or something."

I actually couldn't believe it, but quickly thanked him.

Mike was still standing in the same position. "That's great Chief Swan, thanks a lot." You couldn't wipe that grin off of his face if you tried. He faced me. "I have my car outside Bella, we could head straight there?"

I forced another smile. "Okay."

"Drive safely yeah? I'll see you tomorrow then Bells? You'll get a lift home?"

"Sure, I'll ask Angela to drop me off." I reassured him.

"Okay, have a good night then kids." He gave Mike a warning look. "Don't stay up too late." With a wave he headed out of the restaurant.

With Charlie out of sight, Mike slammed his hand over his shirt pocket. "Jesus, I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest and fling the I.D straight into his hands." He said dramatically.

For the third time tonight I rolled my eyes at Mike. "Shall we go then?" I shot up from my chair.

"Someone's suddenly eager."

"Yeah... Lets go." Mike held out his arm to aid me out, I bluntly ignored the gesture and he followed behind.


	8. Shots

**Chapter 8. **

**Shots.**

"Yes ladies and gentlemen, the Queen of beauty has arrived, settle down now; settle down." Mike announced as we entered Eric's house.

"Oh, and Bella is here too!" Eric winked at me.

"I'm not sure if that's an insult or compliment." Mike shrugged and reached over to grab my hand. "Can you believe she's really here though?" He smiled at the gang.

I cautiously looked at everyone. "It's great!" Angela bounded over to me and embraced me in a warm hug. "I'm glad you're here Bella."

"Thanks, I really needed to get out of the house… so here I am." She pulled away, but kept her arm around my shoulders.

"Well then, lets get this party started!" Mike ran over to the stash of alcohol and started pouring various amounts into 4 glasses.

Eric's house was a complete mess, I guess his folks had left him home alone for the past few days – there were empty packets of junk food everywhere, not to mention stale bottles of beer and open cartons of orange juice. _What a tip!_

Angela noticed my expression. "Yeah, I know it's a complete dump at the moment. He's kind of let loose recently, his parents went off to Atlanta for a mini vacation and he's pissed that they didn't take him with them… I've explained to him… 'Eric you're a big boy now, they don't need to take you everywhere!'… But he's still sulking, boys!" She gave me a helpless look.

I laughed in response, and glanced back to the others. Mike was still filling the glasses with god knows what, Eric directing him and slapping his hand when he poured too much. Jessica was lying across one of the sofas with a glass already balancing in her loose hand; she must have started the party early.

Angela led me over to the boys; Mike was waving a glass around as I approached him. "Here, get this down ya girl!" He handed me the clear substance.

I frowned at the potent liquid, but took it from him. "What is in this?"

Mike laughed. "Vodka and rum, I added lemonade don't worry."

I took a sip and forced myself to swallow the burning drink, which might as well of been acid. "Didn't put that much lemonade in it though did you Mike? Jesus!" I choked.

"Oh man up, Bella. You'll get used to it." He replied and began to chug down his glass.

Angela grimaced and grabbed her drink; she pulled me over to the sofa next to Jessica. "Ignore the alcoholics Bella. Lets have girl time."

"Sure." I smiled at her and had another sip of my drink. Mike was right, I was starting to get used to it; it was strong but bearable.

"So… how are you doing after everything that happened? You know, with Edward's accident…"

_Shit_, why did she have to bring this up, I was just getting over it. I looked down into the glass, I wasn't ready to talk about this stuff; not yet, it is still so fresh. I began to feel guilty for being out tonight, I'm sitting here drinking with my friends like nothing has happened… what is wrong with me? I should be at home still grieving, refusing to breath without him, yet I've come out to party with my friends…

"I'm sorry Bella, I shouldn't have brought it up; it's too early… I didn't mean to upset you." Angela must have noticed my reaction.

I looked back up to her and shook the thoughts from my head. "No Ange, don't worry about it… Yeah, it's still a sensitive subject. But I don't think I'll ever be able to talk about it…"

"Just take it one step at a time Bella, it will get better. I promise." She put a reassuring hand on mine and smiled.

"I know. I just feel guil…ty I guess." I smiled back.

"Don't be, I'm sure he would have wanted you to continue living your life."

I nodded. God, this was so difficult to talk about with her. If only she knew the full story, I'm sure she would understand better that way. She is right though I suppose; _I need to keep living_.

Angela tapped my hand. "Anyway, lets forget I said anything. You need a good night Miss Swan, and I am of service. Finished that drink my dear and we shall endure some shots!"

I internally groaned; this could be messy. I glanced over to Jessica, she was out like a light.

"Yeah… Jessica started the party a while ago, she could be out for a while." She laughed and finished off her drink. "Drink up!"

I brought the glass to my lips and gulped it all down. I opened my mouth to show her it was all gone, she seemed satisfied.

"Ladies." Mike and Eric cheered in unison; they had a bottle of tequila and shot glasses in hand. _Oh dear_. They sat on the sofa opposite and lined the shots up and poured all to the top.

We all gathered our shots and downed them in one. I heaved a little as the piercing liquid travelled down my throat.

* * *

The night pretty must progress the same way, shots, shots and more shots. Everyone had become giggly and loud. Jess was still out, so we moved her onto the smaller couch and the four of us all slumped over the larger one together.

"Okay, okay, OKAY. Listen. It is lemon, tequila and THEN salt!" Mike blurted out.

Eric shook his head frantically. "No, no, NO. MIKE! Don't you know anything, man? It is salt, tequila and then lemon."

Angela and I were excessively giggling at their argument, it had been going on for too long. I had no idea what the answer was, but I would probably side with Eric; who would want the taste of salt at the end? That would be just as bad as the taste of the tequila.

Mike was getting frustrated and started groaning. "Dude, no. It doesn't make sense, I don't get it, and I don't get anything. I hate it, shut up. Lets stop talking about it!"

Eric smacked him in the back of the head. "Quit your moaning man and admit to defeat. Again, I am right. I am always right!"

Angela patted Eric's shoulder and whispered to me. "Clever this one!"

I laughed and sat up a little; I reached out for the ingredients. "Okay lets settle this boys!" I licked the back of my hand and applied the salt, Eric poured me a shot and Angela passed me a segment of lemon.

"Okay. One, two, three; GO!" Mike screamed out.

Simultaneously, I licked the salt, shot the tequila and put the lemon between my teeth. I heard Eric and Angela cheering. I grimaced slightly at the taste of lemon, but it did seem right this way, I barely tasted the alcohol. "Eric, I think you win!"

"YES!" He sat up and gave me a high five, and with the same hand swung round and slapped Mike on the back of the head again.

* * *

Five hours later, and I'd say we were all quite gone. Eric was spooning Angela on the floor, they were giggling and whispering in each other's ears. Jessica had woken up at some point; had a few shots with us, and then made her way to Eric's parent's room. I was lying in her vacant spot with my feet on top of Mike's knees, thinking about what kind of animals Alice and her family were catching right now. They would properly be really disappointed if they knew i was drunk right now, yet Alice no doubt already knows.

"Bella?" Mike slurred out, whilst playing with my toes.

"Hm?" I couldn't be bothered to answer him properly; I had a crooked arm over my eyes trying to control the spinning of regret.

"Belllllla?"

I huffed, "What?" And removed my arm to look at him.

He was wearing a goofy grin, his eyes slightly droopy. He leaned forward and grabbed my floppy arms. Struggling, he pulled me up towards him and looked deep into my eyes. Our faces were so close; too close. I didn't like it, _when would boy get it that I don't want him?_

I pulled away and stood up from the couch, stumbling over empty bottles. My head was spinning so bad. I'd never been drunk before, is this what's supposed to happen? If so why do people do it?

I gathered myself and looked down at him, he had his puppy dog eyes on. I rolled mine and headed for the stairs. "I'm going to the toilet." I could feel his eyes piercing into my back as I crawled up the steps.

When I reached the top I breathed a sigh of release, finally out of his view. Now, only to find the bathroom itself, I had been up here earlier to use it. "Where's it gone?" I mumbled to myself. I walked down the corridor opening various doors; Eric's room, laundry room, shower room, the study. I opened the next one and saw Jessica sprawled out across the bed, must be Eric's parent's room. I don't know why but I felt an urge to enter and sit next to Jess, so I did.

I sat there for a while trying to gather my thoughts. Alcohol really hates me, how many emotions can one person feel at one time. I lay down next to Jess and started to play with her hair. I smiled as the strands laced between my fingers and slid away like waves in a calm sea. I don't know how long I lay like this, but I was starting to feel more relaxed; I had no intention on moving anytime soon.

* * *

I don't know whether I was asleep or zoned out, but I swore could hear my name…

"Bellaaa? Bellllla?"

Okay, someone was definitely saying my name. I sat bolt upright to find Mike sitting at the end of the bed. My eyesight blotched a little.

"Bella, what are you doing?" Mike said. His voice still intoxicated.

I stared at him in confusion. "What?" _Eh_, I was starting to feel groggy again; _damn shots!_

"I totally understand now. I get it. I do. All these months of rejecting me, it's because you swing the other way? Ah, Bella why didn't you just say? It's kind of… sexy." He looked as if he was about to drool.

His words weren't making sense to me. "What?" I repeated. I was squinting my eyes to keep focus.

Mike laughed. "Don't deny it. I caught you in the act, you were touching up Jessica."

"WHAT?" I screamed. I looked down at Jess, who was still sound asleep. Then I realised my hand was still intertwined in her hair. _Ohhh._ "Mike, I'm not 'touching up' Jessica. I was just bored, so decided to play with her hair… I don't know why, I'm just drunk…"

He raised an eyebrow. "Right… whatever. I think it was hot." He started crawling across the bed over to me. I removed my hand from Jess's locks as Mike lay in between us.

"Um, what do you think you're doing?" I glared at him in shock.

"It's always been a fantasy of mine."

"What has?"

"A threesome."


End file.
